Oops I forgot to post for a month...

I have been meaning to write a few blog posts on here but I have honestly been too lazy to get it done. I can assure you that I have been continuing my eating plan and have been updating a lot on my instagram page. 

Top from TJmaxx size medium and capris from Kmart size 11 (a little big)

So on March 27th, the last post I did, I weighed in at 153.4. April 6th I lost .8 which was the start of the .8 of a pound cycle.

I have been going through a bit of a "funk" the past few weeks. I wouldn't call it a plateau because honestly my heart just wasn't in it. It started with a week of me experimenting with not tracking and just using portion control/things I have learned in the 8 months I have been at this to make the right choices. I honestly get tired of tracking everything I eat, worrying if I am going to see a number in the red at the end of the day at the bottom of the screen. It is exhausting. It is mentally frustrating sometimes as well.
So I did that for a week, and I gained back that .8 of a pound, not surprisingly.

 I threw my husband a surprise 30th birthday party and that kind of snowballed into like a week of eating whatever I wanted.

Surprisingly I lost weight that week, but I really felt off track, off my game, not good physically and mentally. It really messes with your head when you know you should be eating one way, and a part of you tells yourself "It's ok, you have lost 22 pounds you can have one week of this or that" and then the other part tells you "You better watch out, or you will go right back into the old patterns and gain it all back." and in reality this is a real fear after weight loss. It is like a mental game most of the time, and you feel often that if you eat one thing that isn't healthy that you are undoing every bit of hard work you have ever done, and when in reality, you aren't. You may be bloated for a few days but usually one meal will not get you that much off track.

 Junior's size medium "Derek heart" from Kohls.

After that, I had to get my head in the game. I had to really remember that I am not finished yet. I can be proud of my 22 pound loss, but I can also keep working at doing better. I know how I feel when I eat like crap for days in a row, I know that I feel sick, lethargic, gross, and mentally like I have failed. I know that I want to continue at weight loss. I know that if I just decide to fall back into my old ways that I WILL gain at least some of it back. It's just science. So I have to mentally realize that things may never be the same. And I have to remember that that is not necessarily a bad thing. If I am feeling down like I want to give up, all I have to do is go back and look through the photos of myself at my higher weight and remember how unhappy I felt with myself then, and ask myself if it is worth it? Am I ok with going back to my old habits if it means feeling that way again? I think most of the time I would tell myself no it isn't.

I lost the .8 again this week.

 I am determined to break this .8 of a pound this week. I am eating as healthy as I can, and watching my portions. I weighed myself this morning and I was at 151.2, but I do not like to "count my chickens before they hatch" so to speak.

Dress, necklace and belt all Old navy (size medium)

There is always temptation around me. My wonderful husband, God love him, is losing a ton of weight for no reason. He is not trying at all, and his clothes are falling off of him. So he can eat all day long and burn a ton of calories at work and doesn't even give it a thought. While I am sitting over here eating carrots and secretly cursing him under my breath (I kid, I kid)

gap size medium cardigan and size 10 jeans

Derek was talking about going and getting something to eat yesterday after we finished garage sales and I really contemplated it and decided to go home and make something we could both enjoy instead. I am glad that I did. I know if I chose to do that I would either have gotten off track all day, or felt bad and guilty for the rest of the week probably.

I came home and mae baked "fried" mozzarella sticks and baked "fried" pickles, as well as a few chicken bites with Sweet baby rays buffalo sauce on it. All for 300 calories and I didn't have the guilt but had the craving of a "treat" food satisfied.

medium Target brand cardigain, gap size medium top and size 10 american eagle capris)

Here's to keeping on track, and not feeling deprived! Probably something that I will struggle with forever!

Weekly Weigh-in!

I am very excited about this weigh-in this week because I have reached a total weight loss of 20 pounds!! I have been so emotional about this, it is such a proud moment, a great milestone in my weight loss. 

When I started losing weight seven months ago, I NEVER expected for this to last. I have tried so many diets in the past. I tried and after a few short weeks I would always give up. My weight watchers membership was up to be renewed in January and I decided not to renew it and what happened...I gained back 4 pounds. I knew that I was not going to stand for that and I kept going. I had to re-train myself to not eat for no reason, not to splurge all the time, and  to track every meal. 

I am so glad that I decided to pick back up and not give up because it is so rewarding to see yourself go down a size or two, have to buy new bras because your breasts are getting smaller (Derek didn't love that!) 

It is amazing to look back at photos of yourself and realize how far you have come. It is amazing to hear people tell you how much better you look. It is amazing to look in the mirror and see the me I remember, not the fat version of me that I was so unhappy with. 

 

Left was 3/25/2013 and right was 3/25 2014 

Losing this amount of weight has been a motivator to keep myself going. I really didn't have huge expectations because I honestly would look at the amount of weight I wanted to lose and I would get stressed out and scared and never believe that I could lose that much. I always said I just wanted to lose some, and even if it was just a little bit anything was better than nothing. And that worked for me because I didn't set all this pressure on myself. I took breaks. I had cheats. I spent time screwing up and realizing what I really wanted. But now I am determined to set a goal and achieve it. If I can lose those 20 pounds, I can lose the 15-20 more that I would really like to get back to where I would ultimately like to be. But I also am very happy with where I am now. I have so much more confidence, I am more comfortable in clothes, and that was a huge part of why I was so depressed being overweight, was not finding clothes that fit or look good on me. I am short and I have big boobs and I have extra fat. Not a good combo while clothing shopping!

Jeans are American Eagle Size 10 and Top is a medium in Merona brand which in my opinion runs small so its a bit tight! 

After last week being spring break and eating out 4 times I tried this week to make sure that I ate as clean as possible and I didn't even have a cheat meal. The closest I got was indulging in a fudge round that I bought for the kids at Sam's Club and it was not satisfying at all. 

I made lean ground beef chili with store bought cinnamon rolls and I had 5 @ 60 calories each. 

I made crock pot pork chops which were delicious, with broccoli and a rice side (1/2 cup) all for  300 calories since I only could eat half the meat 

Spaghetti and Turkey meatballs for 300 calories. 

I am that annoying person who is finding it hard to get to my calorie goal for the day. To eat nutritious food it is hard to eat that much! Especially since I have been doing Yoga Inferno so I am trying to eat back half of my calories I burned off there. 

Photo via Amazon

Yoga Inferno is tough but I really like it. I was so sore after the first day, it is definitely a step up in difficulty to Yoga Meltdown. I recommend it though! 

Weekly Weigh in

Yesterday was my weigh in day...Down another 1.4 lbs!

I had to exchange my scale for another because it was giving me different readings every time I stood on it, and it wasn't a vanity issue trust me :) I bought my scale from BBB and highly recommend that if you are going to buy anything of value, a food scale, regular scale, kitchen appliances, go there. You get 20 percent coupons all the time, and they have a very good return/exchange policy. I bought mine in November and came in with box and receipt and they just exchanged it without even looking at my receipt.

This week has been TOUGH. I have had some pretty severe cravings which I know mean that it is my body adjusting to eating healthier, but that doesn't make it less intense. I did really good about managing them, but I did allow myself a little leniency, aka a few oreos ;) 

 Saturday we went out to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. Before that I hadn't eaten out in almost 3 weeks, so that is a non-scale victory for sure! 

I have been saving most of my food pictures because it is obnoxious to post every meal you eat on Instagram...sorry but it is.

 Chicken Cheeddar Bacon Pasta  I usually make a full fat version, but the light one was just as good!! 

 I made these zucchini fries thinking they would be good, NA. Didn't land with me or Derek. He usually can pretty much eat anything even if he doesn't LOVE it, but these, he couldn't and he even likes zucchini.

 Turkey, Turkey, Turkey, and egg whites!

Pork Chops with green beans, and cheesy hasbrown casserole. The recipe made 12 servings, and this is 2 here, and I was stuffed. I ate a serving with my eggs this morning. yum!  114 calories per serving! Not

 Buffalo Chicken. 300 calories per serving. I don't know how to cook breaded chicken in the oven without it being soggy and having the breading fall off. Any suggestions on that? The side is Cheesy Broccoli Quinoa. 159 calories per serving. VERY filling. I only at 1/4 of it, and not all of that chicken.

 

I have been doing yoga meltdown 3 or 4 x a week. I love this workout, but you have heard me rave about it before so I will skip it this time! 

 

Chinese was my cheat meal this week. I have been craving it HARD. I love, love, love some General's Chicken with rice and soy sauce. YUM! I could eat it at every meal. LOL. Kidding, Kind of. 

I feel like ever since I started losing weight I just can't get a pair of jeans to fit me right. I am always in between sizes I feel like. I rarely wear jeans anyway honestly but when I do, I want them to fit. They all are so tight in my waist and so loose in my crotch/let area, and by the end of the day they are really loose. I hate jeans....

I feel like I never have anything to wear. I always feel like something is either too big for too small for me, I just want to feel normal in my clothes! HA! 

It has been almost 3 weeks since I stared logging with my fitness pal over weight watchers, and truthfully the jury is still out. I am still trying to convert things to points in my head. There are pros and cons to both, but when it gets to one month I will do a review of both and see what I decide to continue with. But in my opinion, is is easier to log on my fitness pal than on weight watchers. The way they word their food and don't have all the brands I use makes it more difficult for me, as I have to add a new food constantly, which is not the case with my fitness pal. 

I am at 18 pounds lost now, I can't believe it. I am almost at 20! When I get to 20 my "reward" will be new workout/activegear. The gear I have now is from when I was 175 pounds and even though they may have been to small then, they are stretched out now and too big, so I need new comfy clothes. So that is my motivation to get to 20. 

Weekly Weigh in and updates

I worked really hard this week to get my body into weight loss mode. It was surprisingly easy. I usually shop every 2 weeks on Thursday but I opted to break it up into weeks this time so I could see if that would help me keep fresh produce in the house. It also kept me from loading up on snacky items I didn't need. I reached for the fruit and veggies instead of a ramen or something else I would normally eat.

Some of the things I have been eating lately are:
-turkey wrap on whole wheat tortilla
-reduced fat triscuits with a light laughing cow (aldi brand) cheese wedge
-carrot, celery, and cucumber slices with veggie dip
-Light English muffin breakfast sandwiches (I make ahead and freeze them for easy breakfasts)
-Light Zuppa Toscana
-Lean Gourmet Creamy Rigatoni with Broccoli.
-Lean Pockets Pretzel Crust Jalapeno Chicken (yum)
 -Great value Mountain trail mix. ( I grab a few of these often because I get low blood sugar and need to have protein. )

I know how to lose weight. I know what foods to eat. I am not one of those people who says "I don't know why I'm not losing weight, wah wah wah" If you eat bad, you don't lose weight. For me, it is more of a control thing, you know what you SHOULD do, but what you WANT to do are two different things sometimes.

I have started counting calories with my fitness pal vs. weight watchers this week. I will write a review of what I think after I get a feel of doing calories for a while .

I did Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown 3x this week. If you have read my blog for a while you know I have been doing this off and on for years. I love it. I HATE to exercise. As in, despise. I am not an athletic person. I didn't do atheltics in high school. I was just a petite person (my whole family is) and never worried about it. So for me to actually enjoy a workout, it is HUGE in my book. It is not huge on cardio, but you are sweating by the end of it, and it really helps your love handles, butt, thighs, and arms! What more can you ask for??

This is a side-by-side of when I started weight watchers to recently. I have taken time off, and realized that I was spiraling out of control and had to get back on track.

It is so easy to say "oh I'm not on ww anymore I can get whatever I want x2!" And then you wake up feeling bloated, tired, hungry and cranky craving sugar and fattening foods. I am such a food person. I love food. I love going out to dinner. I love me some Generals chicken, some Pizza Hut, and some Olive Garden Alfredo. So for me to cut out all those things in my life it is a BIG challenge and one that makes me proud. I am not fortunate to eat whatever I want and not gain weight like I may have been able to do in my younger. If you can do that, I envy you. My hopes for the future and my life is that I can get to a point where I can find balance between eating healthy things and having things I really enjoy without feeling guilty, and without gaining.

This was me in high school. (on the right) I was skinny, and I ate out EVERY day for open lunch. I also worked in a pizza place, and so I would eat pizza, or other fast food 2-4 times a week for dinner. I never gained, I was in a size 5-7 and I didn't even worry about my weight. My mom has been skinny as long as I can remember, my grandma is as long as I can remember, and my aunts/uncles as long as I can remember. I would say me being as big as I was is an exception in my family, which made me wonder why it was happening. I guess I was in denial about the fact that if you eat that way and don't exercise, it will catch up with you one day.  You can read more about that here.




I am down 17 pounds since starting, and my goal is within 2 weeks to be at a total loss of 20, and work out 3x a week. I don't want to get overwhelmed and lose motivation, But I also want to work on toning.

Weekly Weigh in: Week 5

This week I ate awful. I ate out more than once, I ate frozen pizza, I even had a POP yesterday (Sprite zero, no calories and no caffeine) It was a mess.

I had a migraine yesterday (that continued today) and I think it caused me to feel nauseous because I thought I had a stomach bug. I was feeling like I could hurl at any moment. UGH. Thankfully I drank this and ate some pepto and felt better! 

Normally I go to the grocery store every other Thursday which is the day my points week starts over. Well this time I didn't get to shop until Monday night, so that means a whole weekend of eating whatever I could find because I hadn't made it to the store to get what I needed for healthy eating.
Monday when I got home from shopping I prepped a bunch of food so I would not have an excuse to grab something healthy if I am hungry. My biggest snacking times are around 3-4 pm and again around 9 pm. I am working on the late night ones, but it is a tough one!!

 Rice Crispie treats, fiber one bars, and pre portioned trail mix. In the fridge I stocked carrots and celery, cheese sticks, baby bell cheese, hard boiled eggs, and turkey pepperoni's.

On Tuesday I went with my sister and nephew to McDonald's and I ordered what I normally used to get (2 cheeseburger meal) but with tea and not pop. I punched it in the tracker when I got home and SHEESH!!

That was awful! 16 for the cheeseburgers, and 13 for the fries. I even subconsciously ate the boys' left over chicken nuggets which were 5 points. YIKES. What a wake up call. I mean if you eat out once, twice, or three times a week fast food, no wonder you are becoming obese! That is more than I should have in a whole day. And i didn't even get a big pop to go with it like I usually would have.

In spite of my eating habits this week, I hit a major milestone in my weight watchers journey. I lost 10 pounds!! That is 5% of my starting weight.

I am so proud of myself. This is the longest I have stuck with any weight loss plan in YEARS. Honestly I think it is because I am actually seeing results, but with still being able to eat out and have the things I want every now and then. Because after all that is what life is all about .

Well, I must be doing something right because I am losing weight like crazy. I am not complaining about that at all! I have good days and bad days but I am determined to keep going and lose this weight. It is good affirmation to see the scale drop, and it keeps me motivated that what I am doing is working.

My goals this week are to start exercising 3 times a week, and to drink more water. I have been drinking a lot of tea, and I need to  focus more on water.
I am also going to try not to blow all my weekly points at the beginning of the week by eating out, and save them to have little by little throughout the week (we will see how that goes! HA!)