Oops I forgot to post for a month...

I have been meaning to write a few blog posts on here but I have honestly been too lazy to get it done. I can assure you that I have been continuing my eating plan and have been updating a lot on my instagram page. 

Top from TJmaxx size medium and capris from Kmart size 11 (a little big)

So on March 27th, the last post I did, I weighed in at 153.4. April 6th I lost .8 which was the start of the .8 of a pound cycle.

I have been going through a bit of a "funk" the past few weeks. I wouldn't call it a plateau because honestly my heart just wasn't in it. It started with a week of me experimenting with not tracking and just using portion control/things I have learned in the 8 months I have been at this to make the right choices. I honestly get tired of tracking everything I eat, worrying if I am going to see a number in the red at the end of the day at the bottom of the screen. It is exhausting. It is mentally frustrating sometimes as well.
So I did that for a week, and I gained back that .8 of a pound, not surprisingly.

 I threw my husband a surprise 30th birthday party and that kind of snowballed into like a week of eating whatever I wanted.

Surprisingly I lost weight that week, but I really felt off track, off my game, not good physically and mentally. It really messes with your head when you know you should be eating one way, and a part of you tells yourself "It's ok, you have lost 22 pounds you can have one week of this or that" and then the other part tells you "You better watch out, or you will go right back into the old patterns and gain it all back." and in reality this is a real fear after weight loss. It is like a mental game most of the time, and you feel often that if you eat one thing that isn't healthy that you are undoing every bit of hard work you have ever done, and when in reality, you aren't. You may be bloated for a few days but usually one meal will not get you that much off track.

 Junior's size medium "Derek heart" from Kohls.

After that, I had to get my head in the game. I had to really remember that I am not finished yet. I can be proud of my 22 pound loss, but I can also keep working at doing better. I know how I feel when I eat like crap for days in a row, I know that I feel sick, lethargic, gross, and mentally like I have failed. I know that I want to continue at weight loss. I know that if I just decide to fall back into my old ways that I WILL gain at least some of it back. It's just science. So I have to mentally realize that things may never be the same. And I have to remember that that is not necessarily a bad thing. If I am feeling down like I want to give up, all I have to do is go back and look through the photos of myself at my higher weight and remember how unhappy I felt with myself then, and ask myself if it is worth it? Am I ok with going back to my old habits if it means feeling that way again? I think most of the time I would tell myself no it isn't.

I lost the .8 again this week.

 I am determined to break this .8 of a pound this week. I am eating as healthy as I can, and watching my portions. I weighed myself this morning and I was at 151.2, but I do not like to "count my chickens before they hatch" so to speak.

Dress, necklace and belt all Old navy (size medium)

There is always temptation around me. My wonderful husband, God love him, is losing a ton of weight for no reason. He is not trying at all, and his clothes are falling off of him. So he can eat all day long and burn a ton of calories at work and doesn't even give it a thought. While I am sitting over here eating carrots and secretly cursing him under my breath (I kid, I kid)

gap size medium cardigan and size 10 jeans

Derek was talking about going and getting something to eat yesterday after we finished garage sales and I really contemplated it and decided to go home and make something we could both enjoy instead. I am glad that I did. I know if I chose to do that I would either have gotten off track all day, or felt bad and guilty for the rest of the week probably.

I came home and mae baked "fried" mozzarella sticks and baked "fried" pickles, as well as a few chicken bites with Sweet baby rays buffalo sauce on it. All for 300 calories and I didn't have the guilt but had the craving of a "treat" food satisfied.

medium Target brand cardigain, gap size medium top and size 10 american eagle capris)

Here's to keeping on track, and not feeling deprived! Probably something that I will struggle with forever!